What Not to Say in a Eulogy: Common Mistakes to Avoid

The things to avoid in a eulogy are the ones that pull focus from the person: clichés, a full biography, private grievances, and in-jokes — when in doubt, cut it and tell one true story instead.

Most eulogy advice tells you what to put in. Just as useful is knowing what to leave out — because the common mistakes nearly all share one root: they pull focus away from the person and onto the speaker, the clichés, or the discomfort in the room. Here's what to avoid, and what to do instead.

1. Clichés and empty phrases

"Words cannot express." "She was an angel." "Gone but not forgotten." "He had a heart of gold." These feel safe precisely because they're meaningless — they could be about anyone, so they say nothing about your person. Instead: swap every cliché for one specific detail. Not "she had a heart of gold" but "she kept a drawer of cash for anyone who came up short, and never once asked to be paid back."

2. A full biography

Birth date, schools, every job title, every address, in order. It turns a tribute into a CV and loses the room by the second decade. Instead: pick the one thread that ran through the whole life, and show it in two scenes. The dates belong in the order of service, not the speech.

3. Private grievances or score-settling

A funeral is not the place to air an old wound, hint at a family feud, or get the last word. You will regret it, and so will everyone who hears it. Instead: if the relationship was genuinely hard, be honestly gentle ("ours was a complicated love") and stop there. Our guide to a eulogy for a difficult relationship covers this in full.

4. Oversharing

Graphic medical details, the specifics of how they died, deep family secrets, or intimate grief that belongs to you alone. The room came to remember a life, not to be handed a burden. Instead: focus on how they lived. Keep some of them — and some of your grief — just for you.

5. In-jokes that shut people out

A reference only three people understand leaves everyone else stranded and a little hurt. Funerals gather people who knew the person in very different ways. Instead: if you use an in-joke, give it one line of context so the whole room can share it, or save it for the wake.

6. Assuming everyone shares one faith

Speaking as though the whole room is religious — or pointedly as though no one is — can quietly exclude half the guests. Instead: match the person's own beliefs, and keep the comfort human ("rest now," "we'll carry her with us") so it lands gently with everyone. See a non-religious eulogy for secular phrasing.

7. Making it about you

"I'll really miss him." "I don't know how I'll cope." A little of your own grief is honest and welcome — but if every sentence circles back to you, the person quietly disappears from their own eulogy. Instead: keep the camera on them. Let your love show through what you say about them, not about yourself.

8. Going too long

Past about five minutes, attention drops and a tribute becomes an ordeal — for you and the room. Instead: cut to your single strongest memory. A short, true eulogy beats a long, padded one every time. See short eulogy examples.

The one rule underneath all of these

Keep the focus on the person, told through specific, true detail. Almost every "what not to say" is really just a way of losing them — to a cliché, a CV, a grievance, or yourself. When you're unsure about a line, ask: does this make the room see her more clearly? If not, cut it.

Common questions

Is it okay to mention their flaws? Yes — gently. An honest, affectionate flaw ("stubborn to the last") makes the love believable. Cruelty or score-settling does not.

Should I say how they died? Usually no, or only a passing word if the family wishes it. The eulogy is about the life, not the ending.

What if I accidentally say the wrong thing? Breathe and carry on — the room is full of people who love this person and are rooting for you. Warmth covers a multitude of stumbles.

From the maker: Quiet Eulogy prompts for specific memories and instructs the model to avoid clichés, so your starting draft leans on real detail rather than platitudes.

The example eulogies on this page are AI-generated drafts meant to adapt, not copy — make them yours.